Rich Neighbors
by departedsoul13
Summary: Due to the location of her father's new job, Haruhi Fujioka ends up living in a neighborhood of the elite. And demon-worshipers, but they're an upgrade. To help pay for living there, the Fujiokas rent rooms to five teenage tenants. Tenants of the eccentric sort. With a ninja, the sons of Satan, a rising teen actress, and a soul reaper, Haruhi nearly misses the Host Club... Nearly.
1. Chapter 1

+Something random+

_Due to her father's new job location, Haruhi has moved into a rich neighborhood where one man owns the police force, a group of demon-worshipers plot, and the Host Club causes trouble anew. Of course, her tenants aren't much help in avoiding all this drama..._

+Tenants and Neighbors from:

-Ao no Exorcist (Blue Exorcist)

-Bleach

-Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler)

-Naruto

-Ouran High School Host Club

-Skip Beat!

**Psst.** Characters will be "general (or stereotypical)" and OOC. The former refers to using obvious traits (Haruhi's harshness, Kyoko's cheeriness, Naruto's catchphrase, etc.).

* * *

~Rich Neighbors~

* * *

"You're all going to Hell, bitches! Yeah, you too, lady, don't look at me like I'm f*cking kidding. All of your souls will burn unless you heathens conform to the will of Jashin and ditch your disgusting sin and lust and shit!"

"Who is this guy?" A woman whispered to her companion as she shot the silver haired man an astounded look. "Is he for real?"

"I dunno." The man replied as they walked by, ignoring the man like everyone else. "He's always out here, though. I mean, not just this street corner; he goes all over the place preaching about his messed up god."

"Messed up?"

"His religion is frickin' _**murder**_."

* * *

"Hey, I'm home." Haruhi absently greeted the house as she wandered in through the entryway while getting rid of her backpack and shoes. She looked around the kitchen.

"_No one's here yet? Figures."_ She huffed and headed towards the kitchen's oddly shaped island.

"Ha-ru-hiiiiiiiii!" Haruhi squeaked as a high-pitched voice squealed her name and an arm suddenly claimed her shoulders.

"Hi, Kyoko-chan." A bit irritated, the first-year turned around to see her peer and tenant, Kyoko Mogami, who was currently beaming radiantly and emitting sparkles from her every pore.

Or so it seemed.

"Haru! I got the part!"

"Oh, that's good, Kyoko-chan."

"_It'll keep her out of the house more."_

"Yep! I'm pretty surprised but that's okay! I've finally got a happy part and now I'm one step further in CRUSHING SHOU FUWA'S EVERY HOPE AND DREAM." A demonic aura cloaked Kyoko as she cracked her knuckles and chuckled.

"Yo, I didn't know anyone else was ho-" The tall redhead stopped when he laid eyes on the teen actress. "Yeah, nevermind." He mumbled as he spun around to leave.

"Oh, Ichigo-kun! Guess what!" Kyoko snapped back to happiness and dashed out of the kitchen after Ichigo.

Haruhi sighed and turned to the fridge.

"_Finally it's quiet."_

No sooner had she opened the insulated doors than she was proven quite wrong.

"HA-RU-HIII!"

Grimace.

"Yo, Fujioka! What's for dinner?"

Growl.

"Oh, it's my darling daughter! Haruhi, my dear, would you believe that Papa got off early today? Kemi-san needed-" Haruhi's father stopped as he saw two teenage boys storming through the kitchen and hounding his daughter.

"Hey, Haruhi, you're home early! Oh, if you see any Uchiha Police at the door, I'm not here, okay?"

"So Kuro was hoping that we could have some sashimi, but if you want I can help cook up something else."

"YOU!"

"AH!"

"You evil bugs, quit attacking my daughter!" Ranka thrashed his purse around beating Naruto and Rin 'til they were on the linoleum floor with their hands over their heads.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"HEY! DATTEBAYO!"

"Oh, Haruhi, Papa's sorry he let such icky, disgusting creatures in. I'll be sure to tell the bug killers about this." Ignoring the two boys, Ranka beamed at his daughter.

"Ugh, hey, Rin, Naruto, I could use a little help here…" Heads turned towards Yukio Okumura who was struggling to move under a mountain of bags and boxes.

"Oh! My things! Took you a while, Yukio." Ranka added gruffly as he selected a few articles from Yukio's arms. "Look, Haruhi, Papa finally cleaned out his locker!"

"All of this was in your _locker_?"

"Shut up, Yukio."

"Yeah, Yukio, c'mon."

"Rin, go help him."

"What? Why?"

"Boys, do you like your rent?"

"Of course not! We're broke, orphaned high school students! We don't have paying jobs! Well, Yukio does but-"

"See, you're very fortunate. You're orphaned and high-risk yet I took you in."

"That damn Mephisto just put us with the lowest cost rent he could find!"

"Rin, didn't I say to help your brother?"

"Like hell I'm-"

"I SAID NOW!" On cue, Ranka beat the spawn of Satan with his purse once more.

"Ow! Okay, okay, damn it!" Rin begrudgingly sauntered over to his brother where he took the entire load of crap like it was a mere tin lunchbox. "Where to..?" He lethargically asked.

"My room, of course." Ranka replied, flipping his hair. "And don't touch anything! Especially my Zuka Club collection!"

"Alright, alright!" With that, Rin stomped off mumbling to himself.

Yukio fixed his glasses.

"Um, was I interrupting something earlier?" Naruto, Haruhi, and Ranka stared back at him.

"Hey, I dunno… What _were_ we doing..?"

"Naruto, didn't you say something about the Uchiha Police?" Naruto's face fell.

"What? No! No way!" He waved his arms in defense. "Why would I ever mention them? I hate those guys! I mean-"

"Are you _trying_ to get that hottie down the street to hate us? Think we're low-life thieves? Ruffians? _**Poor**_?" Ranka leaned in each suggestion. Naruto leaned back.

"Uh, no, but uh, they already think we're poor…"

"They? Naruto, who else have you driven from my once possible posse?"

"W-what?"

"I _said_-"

Haruhi grabbed some water from the fridge and left. This could take days.

* * *

"Underground indoor pool, huh?"

"Yep."

"It's…decent."

"Decent, you say? Have you seen the tropical fish? The waterfall? The specially designed sprinkler football field?" Kyoya merely smiled in response.

"Oh, yes, they're quite nice."

"Nice?" Sasuke slid down his sunglasses so he could look the demon king in the eye.

"Yes. Oh, and by the way, not that it has anything to do with anything, but did you know that the Hitachiins got a brand-new treehouse bar?" Sasuke looked skeptical. Well, as skeptical as a prideful, half-stoic Uchiha teen heart-throb could.

"Where?" Kyoya smiled.

"In their pool, of course. You know how they love jungle theme."

"Of course." Sasuke slid his sunglasses back up and continued to recline poolside. Kyoya smirked triumphantly as he left.

* * *

"Underground indoor pool."

"What was that, Kakuzu-san?"

"They have a damn _underground __**indoor pool**_." He ground his teeth as he pressed the binoculars even closer to his face.

"Wow! Fun! Do you think Deidara-senpai and Kisame-san and Zetsu-san and Tobi can go swimming there?"

"Damn. Indoor. Pool." Growled the older man, still crouching in the small space of the upper level attic.

"Oh, and Kakuzu-san can go too. But…can Kakuzu-san still go swimming?"

"Lined with _jewels_." He choked and clutched his heart.

"Ooo! Like jewels of the sea? Are there mermaids and fishies too? C'mon, Kakuzu-san! Let Tobi see too!" The old man's breathing became labored and haggard.

"Get…Itachi…"

"Oh! Does Itachi-san like jewels? And swimming? No wonder he's with Kisame-san! Leader-sama is so smart!"

"Itachi…"

"You're right! Itachi-san is smart, too! Did you know? That show on TV said that Itachi-san is a prodigy! He was only seven when he-"

"ITACHIIIII! GET UP HERE RIGHT NOOOWWW!" Bellowed Kakuzu, still clutching his heart and binoculars alike. After a few minutes, steps were heard on the wooden stairs below. Finally, as they drew nearer, the frame of Itachi Uchiha emerged from the staircase. As he usually did, he simply stared at Kakuzu. The man panted and motioned for his fellow criminal to come over by the small window.

Itachi crawled over to the duo, remaining stoic all the while.

"Hi, Itachi-san! Do you like swimming?"

"Why are we in the upper crawlspace?"

"Oh! Tobi and Kakuzu-san are playing spies!"

"Spies."

"Damn it, Uchiha, look at this!" With a choked and strained sand-paper voice, Kakuzu thrust the binoculars into Itachi's chest. The prodigy grabbed them, pushed Tobi over a little, and stared out the window, looking around for whatever was oh-so-interesting.

"I'm sorry, what am I supposed to be looking at."

"Your house, damn it!" Itachi moved the binoculars.

"I see. Sasuke redid the landscaping."

"That was eight months ago you idiot! Inside! Look inside!"

"I don't have the Byakugan, Kakuzu."

"Use the damn settings!" After flipping through a few suspicious settings on the binoculars, Itachi was finally able to see into the house.

"Why is this a setting?" He mumbled.

"Oh! Tobi knows! Sasori-san said that Orochimaru-san put it on!" A faint frown sketched itself on Itachi's face.

"Ignore him. I'm pretty sure these were Deidara's." Grumbled Kakuzu. Itachi continued to investigate his former home.

"He's wasting his time at the pool. Pathetic."

"Look _closely_ at the pool, Itachi."

"It has a waterfall, fish, and a sprinkler football field. A little tacky and lacking, but it's Sasuke's choice how to decorate."

"That's not _all_, Itachi. Look at the pool. Look very, _very_ closely." Ground out Kakuzu, who was currently contemplating killing the Uchiha.

"Diamonds. Emeralds. Aquamarine. **Very **tacky." He lowered the binoculars and looked at Kakuzu. "I'm sorry my brother's decorating choices have offended you, Kakuzu. I, too, am disturbed but as he now owns the estate and-"

"DAMN IT, UCHIHA- I WANT THOSE JEWELS!" Itachi merely stared back at the man. "Think of all the money I'd get! I'd be set!" Again, nothing. "Itachi, why the hell didn't you take any of the money with you after you killed everyone?!" The murderer blinked.

"That would be disrespectful, Kakuzu. Robbing the dead? How low do you think I am?" Kakuzu screamed. Tobi laughed.

"Murder is fine but theft is wrong?!"

"I was raised differently than you, Kakuzu. I understand if you don't conceive my ways but in high society-"

"DAMN IT, ITACHI!"

"Ow! F*CK!" The one-sided fight was interrupted by a bang followed by a curse.

"Oh, great, he's back." Groaned Kakuzu.

"Shit! The hell are you world whores doing up here? Having some kind of shitty tea party?" Hidan's head popped up from the hole in the floor where the staircase was.

"Yes. That's exactly what we come up here to do. Drink tea crouched up like monkeys." Hidan scoffed as he rubbed his head where a bump was beginning to form.

"Damn straight. Glad you looked in the mirror." A blood vessel popped in Kakuzu's forehead.

"Hidan-san! How did your adventures go today?" Tobi cheerfully asked before Kakuzu could strangle his roommate. Hidan's face got a bit brighter.

"Oh! Well, Tobi, today I actually got a few people interested!"

"Itachi, look for the cops." Muttered Kakuzu to the Uchiha. He raised the binoculars to his face again as Hidan proudly explained about his evangelistic wins.

"Yes. They're in Sasuke's driveway."

"Not them! They're always there! Check by our house!"

"Hm. There are two heading across the street."

"Shit…towards us?"

"And then she was like, 'Well, what if I'm not a virgin?' And I was like, 'Well, bitch, then you're f*cking going to Hell!"

"No…They're headed towards…hm." Itachi frowned.

"Where?"

"The Nine-tail's house." Kakuzu groaned yet was relieved.

"Good…as long as they don't arrest him."

"Don't get your hopes up."

* * *

"Alright, who was it this time?" Yukio crossed his arms as he faced his housemates who were all seated at the kitchen table for dinner.

"For what?" Ichigo asked as he chewed. Rin appeared next to him, carrying a hot ceramic container emitting steam.

"Oh, were those the cops at the door?" He asked as he carefully set the dish down on a potholder in the middle of the table.

"You didn't say anything, right?" Naruto asked with an awkward grin as he broke his chopsticks.

"What? Oh, that. No, those weren't the cops."

"Really? Then who was at the door?"

"Yeah, it's not like we get any visitors in this neighborhood." Rin pointed out as he sat down.

"Right… Well, this should explain things." Yukio pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it. "We were doorbell-ditched yet left with a clue. It says, 'Dear Neighbors and Haruhi,'"

Haruhi grimaced.

"'We've noticed that your yard was a bit bare so we took it upon ourselves to change that for the better.'"

"So they teepeed our yard?" Kyoko asked as she wound spaghetti around her fork.

"No…they didn't do that…"

"Hurry it up, Yukio! Keep reading!" Yukio sighed.

"'So now you commoners are the proud owner of one of the most exotic pieces around. It's a real steal! Have fun!' It's not signed, but I think we can all guess who wrote this." The faces around the table were blank.

"Hm…those guys at the drug house?" Asked Naruto.

"You mean the demon-worshipers?"

"Demon-worshipers? What?"

"Yeah, that house down the street with all the weirdos. Rumor is that they're demon-worshipers." Explained Ichigo.

"Wow. That's messed up." Chimed Rin in awe. Yukio seemed to think over this as well.

"I don't think it's them." Haruhi said.

"Why not? They're freaks who love to mess with others, right? Freak people out?"

"Yeah, but we've barely talked to them or seen them. Anyways, this letter sounds annoyingly familiar." Everyone stared at Haruhi in anticipation. She sighed.

"It's the Hitachiin twins." Half the table groaned.

"Great, who's gonna convince the cops this time?"

"Can't those two grow up?" Huffed Yukio.

"Naruto! You drove them away from me, too?!"

"What? No! I've never even-"

"You're sleeping in the garage tonight!"

"Ah! Hey, stop it, dattebayo!" Naruto tried to shield himself from the mashed potatoes and rice being chucked at him.

"Dad, stop it. You're making a mess."

"Sorry, Haruhi!"

"So, Yukio, what did those two leave in our yard?" The exorcist frowned.

"I think it'll have more of an impact if you all look at it." The group looked at each other and got up from their chairs. They began to head out but were stopped by Ranka.

"Oh no you don't. Clear the table first."

"Ah, wait! I'm not done yet!" Kyoko began shoveling rice in her mouth.

"How unbecoming for an actress." Snidely remarked Ranka causing Kyoko to immediately stop.

"Right…"

"_Ah! Tsuruga-san would never do that! I'm failing to become like the god of acting!"_

Slowly, the teenagers began clearing the table and taking care of the leftovers. Rin's still steaming dish was left on the counter for those who were still hungry.

"_Now_ can we go?" Asked Rin as he shoved his hands in his pockets. Ranka nodded and they filed out of the house. The group stood on the pathway which led from the front door to the driveway. They stared.

On their lawn, an elaborate stone fountain sat bursting forth jets and streams of water from all over.

Their eyes grew wide.

No, not from awe of its majestic beauty, nor was it in response to the gravity-defying aquatic twists or even due to the amount of water usage.

The style.

The embellishments.

The detail.

_**The owner**_.

"That's…that's…"

"HOLY SHIT THAT'S THE PHANTOMHIVES' FOUNTAIN!" Rin began to spazz out.

"Great. They're a few houses down, right? How do you know it's theirs? I've never seen it." Yukio questioned as he studied the costly lawn decoration.

"C'mon, little bro, even I can tell! It looks British!"

"I don't think that's the reason." Haruhi sweatdropped.

"Yeah, she's right. You can see a bit of their backyard from the second floor. Your room's not on the right side." Ichigo explained to Yukio.

"Oh, I see. So it goes in their backyard…"

"How did the Hitachiins get it out of Ciel's backyard?" Everyone turned to Kyoko and agreed. The Phantomhive master had tight security despite the few servants he possessed. Even all of the cunning and money of the twins could not sneak past his watchful, perhaps paranoid, eye.

"Well, how they got it doesn't matter." Yukio turned to the others. "We need to put this back. And fast." The teens nodded. Yukio faced Ranka who was studying the fountain a bit disinterestedly. "Ranka-san, could you help be a lookout? You and Kyoko could quickly form a diversion in case we're spotted breaking into their backyard."

"Well, I suppose this would give me a chance to wear that new outfit of mine…" The man clapped his hands and smiled brightly. "Plus, that butler of theirs is gorgeous! Ah, my dream to be surrounded by beautiful people…It may be fulfilled for only a moment, but alas, at least I'll still have my darling Haruhi, Ichigo, and Kyoko-chan." Ranka closed his eyes in dreamful bliss.

"Hey! What'd you leave out the rest of us for?!" Demanded Rin.

"Oh, okay, Yukio, too."

"HEY!"

"Calm down, Rin. I'm going to need you, Ichigo, and Naruto to carry the fountain."

"What? I can carry it by myself." To prove such, Rin walked over to the device and hefted it up. "See? No big deal."

"I know that, but I also know that you don't know your own strength and that you get easily angered."

"What? The hell's that got to do with anything? And I so do not!" Yukio frowned in disagreement.

"Anyways, it'll be better to have those two, or at least Ichigo, helping you out."

"Hey!" Naruto glared.

"So, lil' bro, what'll you be doing?"

"I'll go in front of you to make sure no one's there and to open the gate."

"Don't we need a key or an ID to open their gate?" Ichigo pointed out. "I guess we could climb the fence and then have Rin throw it over to us three…"

"No…we'll just have to pick the lock." Yukio dug out a large set of keys from his pocket.

"Whoa! One of those doors goes to the Phantomhive backyard?"

"No." Yukio finished sifting through keys to choose a single one. He held it up. "Skeleton key."

"_Well, I'll just leave before they notice I'm-"_

"Hey, Haruhi! Come back! Yukio hasn't given you your job yet!" Called Rin as Haruhi made her escape towards the house.

"Right. Haruhi, you'll be with us. If we get caught you can help me talk our way out of it or reason with them. We'll also need a rear lookout." The scholarship student sighed. Even when she wasn't with the Host Club she was still be dragged out on bizarre missions.

"Ok, everyone ready? Let's go!" Rin, Ichigo, and Naruto carried the unplugged fountain and quickly followed Yukio as they skulked down the sidewalk.

"Guys, get on the grass!" Hissed Naruto in the light of the setting sun.

"Why? They'll still see us." Haruhi pointed out as she ambled on beside them. Really, they were a gang of teenagers hefting a huge-ass, expensive fountain down the street. It wasn't going to matter where they were at- it was pretty hard to miss.

After passing a few houses, Yukio slowed and became more cautious. Luckily, the Uchiha premises was void any loitering cops so they were completely undetected.

"Man, it's gettin' pretty late." Rin pointed out. He looked around. "Hey, have any of you guys seen Kuro? He's usually back in time for dinner but I still haven't seen him." Naruto and Ichigo shrugged.

"I'm sure he's fine, Rin." Whispered Yukio as he approached the Phantomhive back gate. He and Haruhi glanced around. No one. He walked over to the barb metal gate and wiggled his key into the keyhole.

"Hurry it up, Yukio." Naruto snapped, silence being his ultimate foe.

"Just a second, it's pretty secure…" The genius mumbled. Rin groaned.

"Hey, wait-" Yukio turned to see what Haruhi was so urgent about only to barely dive out of Rin's way as he, holding the fountain, charged through the gate screaming.

Yukio's face was an expression of pure horror. He quickly got up from the grass and ran into the Phantomhive backyard where his brother resided. A few meters away sat the gate.

"Rin!" Hissed Yukio. "Do you realize what you've done?!"

"Hey, you were taking too long."

"What if you broke the fountain? What if they heard us?!"

"Calm down, man, geez. I kicked the gate down and even if they heard us, Kyoko and Ranka will be a great distraction." He set the fountain down and rubbed his nose. "Besides, I trust them." Yukio growled at his brother's naivety and rashness.

"Well, what's done is done. Least we have a way in now. No better way than to break in, I always say." Said Ichigo as he sauntered into the backyard nonchalantly, looking around as if he was merely visiting.

"That's right, dattebayo! Let's go!" Haruhi slightly groaned as she looked at the mess they had made. Though Yukio took her along because of her brains, she was pretty sure not even Ciel's butler could talk his way out of this, and that guy had a pretty smooth tongue.

"Alright, alright." Urged Yukio in a hush. "Just put it back where it belongs."

"You got it, little bro."

"Over there, in front of that tree, next to that flowerbed." Ichigo pointed out its placement as Rin picked up the fountain and journeyed across the yard. Meanwhile, Naruto and Yukio dragged the gate back to its spot and leaned it against the brick pillars that had supported it.

Haruhi glanced around the huge yard which seemed to never end. One of the reasons they had gotten such a "good deal (AKA cheaper than the other multi-million dollar plus homes)" on their house was because they barely had a backyard. By barely, it was normal-sized. For most normal, common houses, it was fairly spacious. For this neighborhood, it was smaller than most bathrooms.

Their house was the odd one out. It was fairly modest, no fancy details or mediums in its structure. Just from sight it was close in size to the last apartment complex Haruhi had lived in. Despite this size and the spacious interior, with seven people living there it felt like a regular old two-story.

As she continued to scan the yard, her eyes stopped as she noticed movement near the house. She glanced back at the others. Yukio and Naruto were attempting to put the gate back on its hinges while Ichigo continued to instruct Rin. The spawn of Satan finally set the fountain down and shot Ichigo a thumbs-up and grin.

Haruhi's eyes shot back to the mansion. She jumped. Before she could call out, the figure was suddenly in front of Ichigo. Its eyes glinted.

"And _what_ do you think you're doing here, _sirs_?" The eyes flickered towards Rin who was behind it to its right. Ichigo instinctively threw a punch.

"Ggh…"He clenched his teeth as the man caught his punch. The figure smiled eerily.

"May I ask why you stole our fountain?" The figure's eyes landed upon Haruhi. She froze.

"Ichigo!" Heads turned to face Yukio and Naruto who ran over to Haruhi.

"Let go of him, dattebayo!" Naruto launched at the figure and Ichigo attempted a kick.

Gone.

"Damn it, where'd he go?" Ichigo rubbed his wrist and quickly looked around.

"AAAHH!" A battle cry erupted from Rin who was charging at the man in the suit, now in front of him. "Whoa!" Swiftly, effortlessly, the man flipped Rin as if he were simply performing another household chore.

"Rin!" Yukio rushed over but was stopped by Ichigo.

"Wait, something's weird about that guy…"

"MRRWWAAAWRRR!"

"_Rin! Help!"_

Getting up, Rin scanned around for the voice calling his name. Finally, he saw a familiar figure in the crook of the man's arm.

"Kuro!" The black cat squirmed and meowed frantically.

"_Rin! Help! He keeps petting me and staring at me! It's really weird!"_

"Damn you! Let Kuro go!" Rin jumped to his feet and growled. The black haired man looked down at the cat and back at Rin.

"It's yours? You're taking awfully terrible care of it." The butler glared sharply at him.

"Damn it, that's my friend you're holding! Let him go!" Rin ran at the man again but was thrown aside. The man sighed.

"Anyways, I'm keeping this wonderful creature. You don't seem to understand the complexity and beauty of the feline nature."

"To hell with that! Give me Kuro back!" Rin dashed at him only to be thrown forward, landing in front of Ichigo.

"Say, Kuro, do you want some tuna? I bought some just for you." Sebastian smiled.

"_What? Tuna? Where?"_ Kuro eagerly looked around while meowing.

"Kuro!" Sebastian chuckled while Rin called out to his pet.

"Don't worry, it's hidden in the fridge. You can have some in a bit."

"_Yes! Tuna!"_

"What? Kuro, don't listen to him!" Rin growled and then realized something. "Wait," he turned to Sebastian, "you can understand him?" Sebastian merely stared at Rin in return, blinking and appearing a teensy bit surprised that the boy thought of that.

"What is going on out here?" Every looked at the mansion's sliding door where a young boy with an eye-patch stood.

"Ah, young master, these commoners stole our fountain."

"Like we'd want your damn fountain." Haruhi mumbled in a bad mood.

"You stole Kuro!" Yelled Rin. Ciel raised an eyebrow.

"Kuro?" Sebastian smiled and scratched his head a bit awkwardly.

"Well, yes, that is the name of this cat." He motioned to the calm black cat in his arm. Ciel frowned and groaned.

"Get rid of it." Sebastian's eyes shot wide.

"W-what?"

"I said get rid of that mangy beast. They're disgusting." Sebastian fought a glare and stared seriously at his master.

"But, young master, cats are beautiful hunters, graceful yet powerful-"

"**Get rid of it**."

"The mice-"

"That's what we have Snake for. Him and all his merry little friends…" Ciel seemed a bit repulsed as he thought over that certain servant.

"Sir-"

"Damn it, Sebastian, it's an order!" The demon frowned and glared at his master bitterly.

"Yes, my lord, I understand." Reluctantly, he crouched down and held Kuro's paw. Staring earnestly into his eyes he promised, "Don't worry. I'll see you again. Then…then we'll have that tuna." Kuro meowed, slipped his paw away, and ran over to Rin, immediately hopping on his shoulder.

"Okay, now that we have everything, let's get going." Ichigo announced as they began to leave the yard.

"We're not done here." Ciel said icily. "Didn't you steal my fountain?"

"No, the Hitachiins stole it. We were merely returning it." Yukio explained. Ciel frowned.

"Hitachiins."

"You know it was them. Obviously it would take a miracle for the only ones capable of the theft in our house to remain silent and stealthy." Ciel relaxed at Haruhi's words.

"Yeah. It was certainly the Hitachiins. No impoverished idiot could steal from me so easily. Sebastian."

"Coming, master." The duo disappeared into the mansion, cuing the others to make a quick get-away before they returned or decided to punish them.

Thus, they all went home in one piece.

* * *

Something random I came up with, actually inspired by another fanfic idea of mine. It might have more chapters or it can just stay like this. If I continue, I'll most likely divide this chapter.

-Yep, I know. Ranka's Death Scything. Don't know why or how it happened but it did. I also need to keep him worshiping beautiful people in a non-confusing way.

-Changes in characters that happened in their storylines are nonexistent here. Some will stay bitter, others bubbly, many alive.

* * *

***Thanks for reading!***


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, round two anyone? Not gonna lie, I'm kinda disappointed with this chapter, but I'll try to quick upload the next to make it a silly memory. Hopefully it's not too bad! Either way, this one sets up the next. Kinda.

Ranka: Ahem, why were Kyoko and I left staring at the Phantomhive's front door all evening?

Rin: You didn't see us leaving?

Ranka: That's beside the point!

Ciel: Sebastian, read the disclaimer.

Sebastian: Yes, my lord. Let's see… Rights go to respective mangakas and companies, etc...Ah, here's a summary in bulletpoints:

-Kyoya Ohtori is a douche bag.

-Ichigo Kurosaki is in desperate need of a job.

-Deidara and Sasori suck at art.

-Kakuzu steals body parts.

-Sasuke Uchiha is also a douche bag.

-The Host Club sees Haruhi as an experiment or plaything- shocking!

-Ranka's pissed off and…

-Tobi is a good boy.

* * *

Chapter 2: Life Sucks: A Prelude to What's Comin'

* * *

"Damn it, art is a bang! Why don't people get that, hm?!" The door slammed shut as Deidara stormed into the house, his ponytail thrashing wildly behind him. Calmly and indifferently, Itachi looked up from his newspaper to watch the blond make his way towards the stairs and stomp angrily away.

"What was that? Failed sculpture again?" The prodigy looked back at his newspaper as the man munching on an apple behind him eyed the stairs with a sharky grin.

"Presumably." Kisame chuckled.

"Speaking of which, avoid Red Riding Hood too." Though he received no response, Kisame intuitively sensed a sigh leaving the Uchiha's mind. Again, he chuckled before making his way back into the kitchen.

* * *

"But, Sasori-san-"

"No 'buts,' Tobi. I need you to tell me **right**_** now**_." Tobi whimpered and looked up, only to squeal when he discovered the doll maker's face only inches from his own, an intense, unblinking stare fixed upon him. Immediately, he looked back at the floor, where dozens of skinny plastic dolls lay. Eyes still on his prey, Sasori picked up a bleach blond figurine.

"How about this one. What's wrong with her."

"N-nothing." Sasori's eyes narrowed and he set the doll back down on the carpet. He leaned back, still sitting criss-cross-applesauce across from a highly fidgety Tobi.

"Alright, Tobi, tell me; what do you look for in a doll." Tobi perked up.

"Oh! Pretty eyes and a smile and nice soft hair and-"

"What else? Skinny? Fat? Moveable limbs? Concealed weapons?" Sasori was scribbling down Tobi's words verbatim with a sudden mad vigor.

"Weapons?" Tobi laughed. "Silly, Sasori-senpai! Dollies don't have weapons! Unless you mean toy weapons like the Ninja dollies do!" Sasori's head jerked up and again a terrifying stare was subjected upon the masked man.

"Ninja dollies?"

* * *

"Excuse me, are you hiring?"

"Oh? Well actually we-EEK!" The man screamed as he turned around. "U-um, no, no we're not, I'm s-sorry. Goodbye!" With that he shoved Ichigo out from under his roof and fled to the back of the store. Ichigo sighed and scratched his head.

"_That's the third guy who's given me that reaction… What's up with these people_?" He glanced down at the wrinkled newspaper he was holding and crossed yet another job ad out in marker. He looked around the street. Quite a few of the businesses were aimed towards female shoppers, crossing those off his list instantly. All of the market shops he had stopped at, unfortunately including this one, refused him.

Furthermore, the one man who had taken an interest in him was immediately turned away by his short resume. When asked about his previous job he could only offer spotty details, considering the fact that he barely worked and it was one, for a crazy woman, and two, for an odd-job service. When questioned about his volunteering, he realized that no one would believe 'exorcising' as a legitimate service in which the public was desperately in need of having. Thus, Ichigo Kurosaki continued his after-school search for a job.

Continuing down the street, he noticed a sign in a store window that stuck out to him.

"DYED HAIR OK"

Instinctively, Ichigo ran his fingers through his hair. Was that why no one would hire him? They thought he was some punk kid with dyed or bleached hair? While feeling hopeful, Ichigo remembered to check what store was so accepting. He deadpanned.

"_SIX PATHS' PIERCINGS AND TATS"_

"Yeah, of course…" He mumbled as he glanced around, suddenly feeling pretty out of place.

Sure, saving both the worlds of the living and the dead was no problem. Playing goalie during the final PKs of a national game? No big. Beating up an entire armed, belligerent gang? He did it on the daily. But tats and piercings? Not exactly something he was acquainted with...

As he considered leaving, a bell rang and caught his attention. A red haired man with plenty of face piercings exited the store and picked up a box sitting in front of the window. His eyes stopped on Ichigo, who attempted not to overreact.

"Want somethin'?" Asked the man gruffly. Before Ichigo could respond, the redhead kicked the door back open and glared at the teen. Seeing no other options and having no legitimate reasons to leave at hand, the teen ventured forward.

"Uh, thanks."

* * *

Naruto grumbled and kicked the ground as he sauntered home. School had ended over an hour ago but due to his detention and Sasuke Uchiha he was stuck out on the road.

"_Ooooii! Sasuke!" Naruto ran across the lawn and towards the parking lot where a dark blue Rolls Royce sat with its engine running. Girls were gathered shamelessly around the car, gazing and giggling at its stoic, stick-up-his-ass driver. _

_Said driver spared the blond a thought only when he had slammed his hands down on the door after barreling out of the school. Then, the delinquent leaned forward eagerly and began yelling in his ear. _

"_Oi! Didn't ya hear me? Whatever." Naruto laughed and stopped leaning on Sasuke's car. The Uchiha stared at where the blond's hands had been and grimaced. Smudges. _Naruto Uzumaki_ smudges. _

"_What do you want, Naruto?" He bitterly and disinterestedly asked. Naruto grinned brightly._

"_Hey, Sasuke, think you can give me a ride home? It's gettin' pretty late and I have a lot of stuff to do so…" Sasuke continued to stare at the teenager from behind his designer shades. The girls around them were snickering and reprimanding Naruto._

"_Narutooo! Stay away from Sasuke!"_

"_Ow! Sakura-chan!" Naruto rubbed his head where Sakura had punched him. _

"_C'mon, Sasuke, can't you-"_

"_Find your own ride home, _loser_." With that, Sasuke sped out of the parking lot leaving Naruto, squealing fangirls, and the smell of tires behind. _

"Grr…That damn Sasuke!" The blond kicked a vending machine in his anger. Huffing, he checked his surroundings. Fortunately, he could see the skyline of his city. He inhaled deeply and then screamed. "I'm gonna beat the shit out of Sasuke Uchiha! Dattebayo!" Then he dashed full-speed down the sidewalk shouting.

* * *

Like Naruto, Haruhi was walking home from school after her ridiculous club meeting. Today, Tamaki insisted upon a superhero theme which Haruhi wouldn't have minded if the plan didn't involve her in a dress, skits, toy weapons, a video of them doing good works, and some far-fetched scheme about understanding common folk and their deep need to be the impossible or feel that anyone can be powerful and good-looking.

With a smile, Kyoya rejected it upon grounds of, "Lack of clientele interest."

Interestingly enough, each member heard something different out of that phrase.

"_This is stupid."_

"_Like you'll ever see me in tights or acting like some snot-nosed brat."_

"_We're already powerful and good-looking, any more could be a crime. Any less, like your plan, is a French funeral for one."_

"_The scum of the earth will get my help when Hell freezes over."_

"_I'll kill you in your sleep, Tamaki."_

Even so, Haruhi was thankful that she would not live through the trauma of seeing Kyoya portrayed as a just, kind, selfless person (Everyone else had that same thought. Of course, upon hearing Tamaki's suggestion, they imagined Kyoya as the villain. However, no one was stupid enough to say that to his face.). Now, she was able to walk home calmly, undisturbed, at peace, and without any rich annoyances.

"Hello, Haruhi." The girl looked to her left and saw none other than the villain himself, sitting behind the wheel of a, possibly symbolic, red Lyonheart convertible. More than anything she was surprised he stopped. Kyoya drove himself to school out of pure pride and as a means to avoid Tamaki. He wasn't friendly and made a point to avoid those beneath him.

AKA, he was the reason she showed up to school thoroughly soaked in puddle water one irritating April morn.

"Hi, Kyoya. Did you need something?" The teen continued to smile.

"No, nothing really. Just wondering what it was like."

"What _what's_ like?" She knew she didn't want to know, but she asked anyways.

"You know. Walking. Having to spend time and energy heading home. It must be disappointing."

"Walking?"

"Oh no, well, that too, but you know… You don't have to be so modest."

"Sorry, I _don't_ know." Kyoya frowned.

"Hm, I always thought you were smart, Haruhi. One of the reasons I stoop to interacting with you. You have interesting ideas."

"Thanks."

"Of course. But it really is a shame you have to manage through life living in that rat hole with a bunch of criminals."

"Only a few, and it's not a rat hole. More like a watering hole. One for hungry, teenage elephants." Kyoya chuckled.

"Sure." He murmured. "Look at the time, I have a family meeting soon. See you around, Haruhi." Screeching wheels warned her of the burnt tire smell that entered her lungs. Coughing, he watched Kyoya speed away.

* * *

"_What the hell is up with your eyes?_" The soul reaper fought back that exclamation as he stood in the store, waiting for the man to return. The longer he was there, the more he was reminded of the Twelfth Division and their highly disturbing experiments. Sure, it looked innocent enough, no organs in canisters or bloodstains, yet Ichigo sensed something off. A strange reiatsu? No…but he had a bad feeling. Even so, he had given the man his resume. He was pretty desperate.

"Alright." Looking up, the older man was behind the counter on Ichigo's left. "I talked it over with my partner. You're hired. For now." He added quietly.

"Really?" He was genuinely surprised. He was an unqualified, inexperienced high school student, after all.

"_I better not be a human experiment_." He thought warily.

"Yeah, one of our last workers left pretty suddenly. He was in charge of sanitation. Think you can manage that while we look for someone more suited?" The man didn't seem too enthused about hiring the teen but Ichigo couldn't care less.

"_Thank God I'm getting paid_." His mind was at peace as he closed his eyes thankfully. He opened them and looked the man in his ring-filled eyes. He flashed his hero grin.

"Definitely."

* * *

It was the end of the day. Pain was tired from a hard day's work and was anticipating relaxing in the easy chair he had commandeered from Kakuzu. Of course, he knew far too well what reality would hold. Tiredly, he opened his front door and was met with the ear-splitting shrieks that only deranged artists could make. A glare on his face, hands over his ears, he headed in to see who took who's glitter paint or Barbie doll this time.

"You don't even know how hard I worked on it!"

"You threw it together; no wonder the gallery didn't like it. Anyways, they look for reputable, _everlasting_, works of art."

"Like what, _this_?" On the stairs, Deidara shoved forth a small plastic doll for all to see. In the living room, Sasori's eyes narrowed.

"Where did you get that?" Deidara smirked evilly.

"Oh, you know, **Tobi**." Sasori winced and knew he should have locked the masked man in his closet rather than bribe him. "He was running around with it and then decided to show me what 'a _pretty dollie_ Sasori-senpai' was making." A loud guffaw came from the kitchen. In sauntered Hidan, grinning while he threw chips in his mouth.

"Damn, Pinocchio, still makin' dolls?" Sasori glared at him. Meanwhile, Deidara flipped his hair back triumphantly as he headed downstairs.

"Face it. True art is fleeting, instantaneous. Something so quick is impossible to catch forever. It is beautiful and elusive." Sasori rolled his eyes as he opted to sit down on the couch in front of the TV and coffee table.

"Why should I take advice from a teenager who tries getting Play-Doh next to Picasso?" Deidara growled.

"My art is nothing to make fun of, yeah. And I'm not a teen, but I'd rather look a little young than be a forty-year-old man who had surgery to look like he's twelve." Cue hair flip and smug smirk from blond. Hidan whistled and laughed, hopping the couch to sit next to Itachi.

"Goldilocks has a f***ing point!" Another glare from the redhead. A throat clearing towards the doorway caught everyone's attention. There stood Pain, sick of their squabbling and considering putting doses of rat poison in certain people's cereal boxes.

"Leader-sama!"

"So both of you still suck at art." Both artists cringed but bit back remarks. "It's come to my attention that you're beginning to fall behind on your rent, Deidara." The blond's eyes shot wide open.

"What? Well, I can catch up, hm? No big deal… I'll get some money soon..!" Though he tried to sound reassuring, everyone could see the hesitancy in his eyes.

"Also, Sasori." The rinnegans landed on the redhead. "I don't mind your stupid hobby, as long as it doesn't distract you from anything else." Sasori nodded. At that moment, Kakuzu decided to join the mob in the living room.

"What was that about Sasori's hobby?" He raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Uh, nothing!" Deidara held his hands up, not in the mood for hearing another one of the greedy man's lectures.

"So he's making dolls again, huh?" No one replied. Kakuzu frowned. "Don't waste your money. You failed at that years ago. Stick to plastic surgery." With that oddly short remand, the older man ambled towards the door to put on his coat.

"Where's an old f***er like you go at this time of day?" Sneered Hidan. Kakuzu glared.

"Some people die, you dumbass."

"Hey, Deidara, if you want to pay rent you could always go steal body parts from the dead with Kakuzu." Calmly offered Sasori.

"Like hell! How messed up do you think I am, hm?!"

"Who said I steal body parts? A coroner autopsies a body and finds the C.O.D- cause of death. I do what others don't want to."

"That doesn't explain the severed leg I found in the garage freezer." Everyone stared at Itachi. Pain shot Kakuzu a glare.

"What? That's not mine! Zetsu took it, I swear!"

"Though he's a tight-ass, that sounds legit." Added Hidan reluctantly. "He always sells what shit he steals first thing. Zetsu brings his f***ing finds home." Everyone stared at Kakuzu, suspicion still lingering.

"Well…I best be going." He grumbled, tugging his coat on all the way. "Oh and uh, don't touch that leg." The door slammed and he was gone.

"Wait, what?" Deidara blinked and the door reopened. Kakuzu's head popped in.

"You…you know. Cuzza the cops and stuff…Across the street…Yeah." Another slam and this time the money hoarder was gone for reals. Deidara's face fell.

"Yeah, 'cuz the Uchiha Police would definitely suspect us, hm. Didn't they stalk a little girl last week?"

"Wow, Itachi. Your brother's f***ed up." Itachi merely nodded as he browsed through a magazine.

"He lacks hatred."

"He lacks _many_ things, Itachi." Sasori got up and headed up the stairs.

"Wait, we need to discuss progress tracking the Bijuu." Sasori stopped and sighed.

"Later. I have a meeting with the Ohtoris." Hidan shrugged.

"Yeah, that bastard's gone so I don't have anyone to pay attention." Pain turned to Itachi and opened his mouth.

"It would be rude to work without Kisame, Leader-sama. I must respect his presence or, rather, his lack of presence, at this moment." Pain sighed and headed towards his room to go over what _else_ they weren't accomplishing.

* * *

-N_E-X_T-T_I-M_E-

"Alright, fine. Since you're all pains in my ass and everyone's broke, we're going to the art show." Deidara screamed a teenage girl scream and proceeded to jump up and down fanning himself.

* * *

"Man, can't we just buy Ranka the first thing we see?"

"Rin, do you _want_ to die?"

* * *

"Sasuke! I'm gonna have a way better picture than you!" Sasuke scoffed.

"As if, loser."

* * *

"Haruhi, Haruhi! Let's buy this one for the club room!"

* * *

Here's some more exposition! Really, the only nice rich kid in this story is Tamaki, who everyone hates, even though he hasn't even shown up yet. Fear not! There are plenty of plans for him and the rest of the Hosts! Sorry, Haruhi. There may actually be a plot involving the rich and the demon-hunting? What?

Wanna tell me how ya really feel? Go for it! Feedback of all different kinds is great.

~Thanks for readin'!~


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